Step Brother

• “I am not the one staring at me.”
• “Then we’ll get around just fine.”
• “It’s the f***ing Catalina wine mixer.”
• “Snapping necks and cashing cheques.”
• “This cyclone in vanuatu. Is it pan or pam?”
• “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” — Robert Doback
• “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.”
• “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” — Dale Doback
• “Shut your mouth. You’re just coming off stupid.”
• “Last week I put liquid paper on a bee… And it died.”
• “Don’t ever, ever touch my drum set. You understand?”
• “Did we just become best friends? “Yep!”” — Brennan Huff
• “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale Doback
• “Dane Cook, pay–per–view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” — Derek
• “I you wake me up… I will stab you, in the neck with a knife.”
• “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale Doback
• “I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my pe***!” — Brennan
• “I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” — lumberjack Brennan
• “Boats ‘n’ hoes, boats ‘n’ hoes / I gotta have me my boats and hoes.”
• “Robert better not get in my face, ’cause I’ll drop that mother f***er.”
• “You know what gets my di** hard? Helping out my friends.” — Derek
• “I didn’t want Salmon! I said it four times! This wedding is horse sh**.”
• “I wanna make bank bro. I wanna drive a range rover. I wanna get a**.”
• “Your drumset is a wh***! I tea bagged your drum set!” — Brennan Huff
• “Your singing is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale Doback
• “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my v***na.” — Alice
• “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your a**.” — Brennan Huff
• “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” — Brennan
• “I got a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh** on me?!”
• “You’re wearing tuxedos to a job interview that requires you to clean bathrooms.”
• “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” — Dale Doback
• “I’m f***ing miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale Doback
• “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story…and possibly the evening.”
• “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale Doback
• “See that black smudge right there on the blade? Randy, Jackson, from American Idol.”
• “I’m Brennan.” “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” “You have to call me Nighthawk.”
• “The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Marian I’ll do you in the bottom while you’re drinking Sangria.”
• “This house is a f***ing prison!” “On Planet Bulls**t!” “In the galaxy of This S***s Camel D***s!”
• “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*** one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale Doback
• “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” — Brennan
• “You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I’m gonna punch you square in the face!”
• “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” — Nancy
• “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” — Brennan Huff
• “They broke! The bunk beds were such a terrible idea why did you make us do it? There;s blood everywhere!”
• “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” — Brennan Huff
• “We sail around the world and go port to port / Every time I come I produce a quart” — Prestige Worldwide, “Boats ‘n’ Hos”
• “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” “You’re not a doctor. You’re a big, fat, curly-headed f***!”
• “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” — Dale Doback
• “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek
• “I’m not gonna call him dad. Brendan you are 39 years old, I wouldn’t expect you to call him dad. Well I’m not going to, ever! Even if there’s fire.”
• “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan Huff
• “Or a feel minutes feel better but then my emotions decided to come back with a slap across my face and I sounded like I was choking on piece of biscuit from popeyes.”
• ““I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.” “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.” “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that sh** up every day..””
• “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” — Dale Doback
• “Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to sh** with the door open, we talk about pu***, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.” — Dale Doback.
• “Flat. It’s so flat, I can’t even…I don’t even know. You don’t even look good while you’re singing. The worst thing I’ve ever heard. This is twelve hundred dollars a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get? Okay, I’m gonna save it with the solo…”
• “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes “Oh my God, I’ve had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs me by the weiner.”
• “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” “I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that’s what you mean.”
• “You’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f***! Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000. Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your a**, you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces s**t!”
• “When I was a kid…I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘Okay, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that, he said, ‘Stop being a f***ing dinosaur and get a job.’”

Best Step Brothers Movie Quotes

• “So many activities!”– Brennan (Step Brothers Movie)
• “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie)
• “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie)
• “Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching cops.” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie)
• “That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”— Dale (Step Brothers Movie)
• “This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”— Dale (Step Brothers Movie)
• “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”— Brennan (Step Brothers Movie)
• “Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” — Nancy (Step Brothers Movie)
• “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”– Dale (Step Brothers Movie)
• “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie)

Funny Step Brothers Quotes

• “Who’s the retard?”
• “What if I want wings?”
• “There’s so much room for activities.”
• “I’ll lick the dog sh** if you leave us alone.”
• “That’s cute, I remember when I had my first beer.”
• “I was about six there. You don’t wanna see me go to ten.”
• “I think I might be able to help with the pan-pam dilemma.”
• “I don’t believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness.”
• “I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.”
• “I honestly, thought that I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said,”Lets’s get it on.”

Step Brothers Quotes By Dale

• “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”
•  “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.”
• “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”
• “I’m fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.”
• “Dad, what are you going? It’s ‘Shark Week’!”
•  “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”
•  “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!”
• “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.”
•  “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!”
•  “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.”
• “Get your shit, we’re going to my room.”
• “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.”
• “Dad, we’re men, OK? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now that is all wrecked.”

By Brennan

•  “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.”
•  “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.”
•  “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!”
•  “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.”
•  “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.”
•  “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!”
•  “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.”
•  “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.”
•  “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”
• “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”
•  “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!”

Other Funny Step Brothers Quotes and Conversations

•  Dale: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?” Brennan: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”
•  Dale: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” Brennan: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”
•  Brennan: “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” Dale: “Yup.”
•  “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” — Nancy
•  “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats; I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘OK, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.’”
•  Dr. Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?” Nancy: “Yes… it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.” Dr. Doback: “Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.” Nancy: (checks oven) “Couch pillows.”
•  Brennan: “Well, Pan…” Pam: “No, it’s Pam.” Brennan: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?” Pam: “My name is Pam.” Brennan: “Pand, there’s a D on the end.” Pam: “No, there’s no D.”
•  Manager: (after Dale lets out a prolonged fart) “Was that a fart?” Dale: “I don’t know.” Manager: “I can taste it. On my tongue.” Dale: “OK, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.” Manager: “Is that onion? Onion… and onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.”
•  Dale: “Brennan, you’re alive! Oh, my God!” Brennan: “I know. I’m alive.” Dale: “You were dead. I saw you die.” Brennan: “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.”